I'm not okay...really

What happened to me?
Why is it so sudden?

If I can put a stop now, I would stop myself from going through my daily activities. I don't want to go work, face others (including my family) and pretending that I'm ok.
What I wanna do now most is scream my head off and cry non stop, stop seeing another face.

Everyone would have a different approach to their own unrequited love.
(Fyn was telling me a story that she heard on F.M.) I figured I am not the only stupid lovefool around.

Bu guo wo zhen de heng xin ku.

I wish I can be less responsible. Less responsible for my feelings, his feelings and any others.

Lately the feelings are getting stronger and stronger. These feelings are real and they belonged to back then. That heart aches, the pinings, the happiness of lil' things. Honestly I don't wanna remember those feelings. Not for good. Those feelings are not a result of 2 persons but self.

I wanna remember something else. Some feelings that are right. Suddenly I forget them and all I am left are tears. Tears for feeling bad and sorry,tears for feeling so lost and confused.

I told everyone else who heard of my situation that this is just a stupid joke played on me, not a test.
This is not a test. A test is perhaps someone/something totally new comes in the picture.Technically the feelings are not new, the object is...maybe in a lean sense.
This is just a joke,trying to taunt me.

Why now? Why so? Why not him? Why him? Why me?

I wish someone can pull me outta this. (Like I wanna leave it though)

(After we did our lil' prayers at the temple...)

"Do you believe in karma?" He asked.
"Of cos I do."I answered.
"What about you?"I asked
"Of cos.."He said.
"Have you done anything very good or bad?"I asked.
"Um..not really."He thought.
"You?"He asked back.
"All the bad things, I have done."I answered cheekily.
"Haha...really?"He smiled.

The bad-est thing that I've done is I hurt those who love me.
In turn, my karma is...I let those I love, hurt me back...by myself.

Goodbye.